Why adopt? –
We are often asked why we decided to adopt. There are lots of reasons why adoption has
always been a desire for us. A) There
are lots of children who need love. And our
capacity to love is big. B) God’s word says that it is a “pure religion”
that cares for widows and orphans… – and adoption is one means for doing so C)
I saw lots of hurting children when I was a child. I always wanted to help. That desire never left me. D) Adoption has actually always been in my
life. I’ve seen firsthand what it means
to love children that are not your own biologically as if it was the most
natural thing ever. E) But, lastly,
Kimberly and I were both motivated by the knowing that we are adopted. A loving God sought us out and made us part
of his family. In turn, we want others,
as many others as possible to know his saving grace. And, we sincerely pray that he is gracious to
our sons that they would come to saving faith in the Messiah.
A quest to adopt…
I’ve come to the conclusion that the adoption process is
always a journey filled with ups and downs.
After taking the first step of deciding to adopt, the journey kicks off
with ordinary stuff like completing lots of paperwork and opening up your life
to a great deal of scrutiny. And, then
you make it to the point where there’s an approvable (hopefully) home study
that explains just who the adoptive family is and what they’re about. We then completed a profile with lots of
pictures and words about our family that was shared with the birth mom [a new
term I learned for a woman who is giving birth to a child that is adopted]. It’s a high point to get done with interviews
and to have something that paints a picture of our family as the all-American Christian
family that wants to adopt a baby.
Then the low hits when you think you’re matched but mama
decides to keep baby either because she now thinks it’s the best thing or she
just can’t bear the thought of losing the child that she has now held in her
arms. That feels like a major
loss. Real tears are shed and real grief
is felt. Sleepless nights follow. Prayer for both mama and the child happen
continually. This heartbreaking moment happened
to us twice.
We prayed a lot. We
asked, “Why?” a lot. We began to seek
out what God was doing in us and whether he might have us take a different
approach on something. Did I say we
prayed a lot? We knew God had led us to
the path of adoption and so we didn’t want to give up. We were confident that he had a child for
us. And, in the words of Fred Hammond,
“to give up now would be jacked up for sure”.With one of our failed adoptions, we landed in an attorney’s office. Apparently sometimes attorneys have women who approach them looking for matching adoptive parents. We gave the attorney the green light to share our info if such a case happened. His assistant said not to hold our breath because it rarely happens. Well, she called us twice in as many weeks with ladies looking for adoptive parents. The second ended up being a situation we were very interested in. To make a long story short, the birth mom lived in our state. She was just a few weeks away from giving birth. We met her. We heard her story of heart break and despair. She liked us. She asked us to parent the baby she was carrying and knew she could not care for. We talked several times. Kimberly took her to the doctor a few times. If it makes sense, we can say this “felt” right. It felt more natural than either of the first two circumstances. Things worked out.
Closing the Story
A friend had suggested the name Shepherd when we thought we
were going to receive a little boy earlier in the process. I wasn’t a huge fan. But, every time I turned around God was
leading me to scripture and bringing out the idea of shepherding throughout
biblical history. We all know Psalm 23 paints
a picture of “the LORD” as shepherd but the Old Testament is filled with
imagery of God as Israel’s shepherd (and if you’ll accept it, the shepherd of
anyone who calls on his name). I became
a fan of the name because God was obviously writing a story.
So, with this name in hand, when our baby’s mom asked if we
had a name picked out, I boldly said, “We like the name Shepherd for a
boy.” She hated it. But I think she was willing to deal with it especially
if her son got to live with a family that liked Alabama football. [She’s learned to deal with Kimberly’s LSU
alumnus status. But, it was seriously
important to her that we not like Auburn.
This stuff happens for real.
Kimberly and I couldn’t stop laughing when our football allegiance was
questioned.]
June 22nd rolled around. While we watched Monster’s University with
our big boy, Kimberly received a call and headed to Montgomery because birth
mom was in serious labor pain. That
evening our son was born. A few days
later we brought him home to be a part of our family forever.
What have we gained?
We have a little boy that in some ways looks just like
us. He has all of his fingers and
toes. He has a head full of hair. He sleeps great at night. He eats a lot (very much like Caleb and me). He also has a fun personality. He laughs at me anytime I look at him (unless
he’s hungry, sleepy or ready to be changed).
But, in some ways he looks nothing like us. His skin is pale. His hair is straight and blondish red. His eyes are hazel (maybe headed toward
brown). But, we are all certain that he
is where he belongs. Who ever heard of a
black family with a child who looks white in a place like Alabama? [to clarify: birth mom is white and believes
birth father to be black] But, God knows
exactly what he’s doing. He’s made our
family one that will impact our world with the gospel and hopefully give face
to the idea of racial reconciliation.
Because guess what, there won’t be segregation in heaven. So, people!
God’s people! Get ready!! Because the picture I have of heaven is one
where people of every nation, tongue and tribe will gather around the throne to
worship the Lion and the lamb who was slain before the foundation of the world. So, how dare I reject or love a child less
because he may not share my roots in a little place we like to call
Africa. I am forever humbled when I
think about what a family should look like.
A family is comprised of people who love each other in the way that God
expects us to love each other. So, look
out for more from our boy Shepherd! I hope you were patient enough to make it to the point. :) Shepherd is ours and we are his. Everyday, we are here to love him and point him back to his heavenly Father. And, if you've waited til now, here's his picture.
The Lord is the strength of his people;
he is the saving refuge of his anointed.
Oh, save your people and bless your heritage!
Be their shepherd and carry them forever. – Psalm 28:8-9
he is the saving refuge of his anointed.
Oh, save your people and bless your heritage!
Be their shepherd and carry them forever. – Psalm 28:8-9
